– Havent done one of these in a while –

– MAD MAX game review-

Since i was a little kid, i was really into mad max, and you can only imagine how much i jizzed my pants when i saw the new movie “fury road” and than they announced the game, witch was in the same style as the movie, it looked really good and promising and i couldn’t wait for it to come out.


And so, it finally came and i came as well, at least at my first few hours of play. It was everything i expected it to be and so much more, but as i continued playing, i started feeling a bit disappointed, there were no bikes, no big rigs, no epic huge car chases, and while the car stuff is really fun on its own, it just doesn’t really capture that epic mad max car chase spirit that you would come to expect from a thing titled “mad max”.

Furthermore, the whole game feels like it was made out of a demo of a much bigger game. Its like they only made a small handful of game assets and copypasted them all over the map, this is either some really small team that was working on it or they had a very limited budget or only worked on this game part time. Like for example, every single boss fight you fight the same exact boss, the same moves and tactics and even the same 3D model (although later on it gets 2 other 3D models to mix things up a bit but its still the same exact moves and everything), later on they introduce another boss that is different, but it also gets reused multiple times with a different 3D model, i think it gets used 3 times in total, the rest of the boss encounters are the same guy you had to fight from your very first boss encounter.
So all in all you got like, 5 enemy types that are reskinned for every faction, 1 playable vehicle type (no bikes, no big rigs, just regular cars) 2 boss types, 5 or 6 types of activities littered all over the map. While those things are awesome the first few times you do them, after some time it becomes repetitive joyless grind, especially shit like locating and disarming the minefields, and you have to do them all in order to unlock the car part you need.

While at its core the gameplay is solid and mostly fun, there’s a lot of things that are a not completely thought through by the people who made this game.
For example, the game has a jump feature, but nothing to jump on or over, there is no platforming and the jump isn’t high enough for it to be of any use for anything. Often times you end up not being able to jump over objects that are at your knee height, and there’s no climbing feature that could be combined with the jump to get on top of high objects, you can only climb things marked for climbing.
There’s also a knife, that you can only use once…. yeah like you stab someone and the knife magically disappears, having you scavenge for a new knife every time you kill a guy. There are upgrades that extend your ammo belt capacity and that also lets you have more knifes, so you end up walking around with a collection of knifes, why the fuck not just have one fucking knife that never disappears after a kill instead of having to carry 943759843 knifes in your inventory, this is the most bizarre game design choice i have seen in a while.
No matter how much you max out your car, its still week and slow as shit. You can have your engine maxed out but you will still have a hard time catching up to enemy cars and you will never be able to outrun them. You can add all the armor and spikes and turn your car into a barely moving tank, but they will still be able to knock your car’s health by more than half in just one side ram, it feels like everything you do to make your car formidable is futile, you might just steal one of their cars and drive that instead.
By default, the game has this really nice survival element to it, you have to scavenge for food, water, gasoline and ammo to survive in the wasteland, but than you get to upgrade your stronghold and this is where all this neat survival stuff gets thrown out the window. Once you get to one of your strongholds, it automatically refills your health, water, car, ammo belt. you no longer have to scavenge for anything when you are running low and finding stuff like water or gas cans no longer has that joy to it because you already have an unlimited amount of it, this is essentially like using a cheat code.
Speaking of stronghold upgrades, there’s this one upgrade called stockpile, it costs a lot and it literally does nothing, you waste all your money that could have been used to pimp out your ride, on a thing that has no function in the game.
And if we are speaking of wasting money, you cant just buy whatever upgrades you want for max and his car even if you already did the missions to unlock them, gotta waste money on all the crap ones before them first to be able to buy the ones you need.
You gotta grind a lot to get it, random scrap(money is called scrap in this game) that enemies drop or you find in looting locations only give you like +2 +5 scrap, and you need 4100 of it to get that fancy V8 carburetor for your car. You waste countless hours and hours chasing after cars and looting random villages, that you could have used to actually play and enjoy the game. It’s like one of those shitty “free” to play phone games where you have to pay micro transactions to get game coins to be able to progress faster, only this game has no micro transactions and you are stuck with the free to play part of it.
Than there’s also this thing where for whatever reason, to perform an action you have to hold down E (or whatever button you assign) instead of just pressing it once. I would understand it for actions that take time like breaking doors open, but why the fuck did they think its a good idea to make you hold E for every single action such as picking up an a weapon in the middle of combat, its so frustrating. and than there’s the ridiculously tiny distances you have to be from a thing to perform an action, you can be standing right on top of a weapon but nope you cant pick it up till you move one pixel closer, its also very frustrating in combat.
There’s many more smaller problems but i wont list them because this is already getting too tl;dr and i haven’t even got to the whats good about this game

The combat is good and very fun for the most part, i never got bored of it but even that has its problems.
The camera will often times position itself in ways that leave you blind to whats going on around you, getting lots of cheep shots from the enemies offscreen, attacks that you never see coming.
The game has sort of an element of sneaking up on the enemies, but it doesn’t really work because they always somehow get alerted before you are close enough to silently execute them, its like as if they have some 360 vision or something, i only managed to sneak attack once in my entire playthrough. And also things like you turning on your flashlight in the middle of a dark room when you are standing behind enemies, does not alert them, just goes to show how much thought they put in this too.
The car combat is pretty fun too, although the game has a problem with input delay that prevents me from fully enjoying the car part, and that is a real shame because mad max is all about the car chases and stuff.
Speaking of cars, the game has racing in it but suck as all the other things in this game, racing had little to no thought given to it, the enemy drivers will fail miserably to keep up with you and you will always end up driving alone with no one to rival you, but somehow you will barely have time to make it to the finish line.

There are some serious technical problems with the game as well, such as a strange and very noticeable input delay on everything, while its not really a big deal and wont hinder your gameplay experience on foot much, driving is another story and this is where it feels the most. It ruins the driving experience and makes some of the missions and cars borderline unplayable and undrivable.
Bugged missions, events that fail to trigger making you stuck and sometimes even having you redo the whole thing. But worst of all is the minefield bug that makes minefields disappear or impossible to interact, as if finding hidden minefields and than disarming them wasn’t enough of a chore as it was.
And than there’s the hilarious bugs that send max or his car flying and spinning through the air on slightest bump on things with an angle.

Now for the story of the game, dunno how to put this without spoiling anything so i will just say that the story was terrible for the most part, the writing was awful and if you don’t do the optional missions, the characters will still act like you did and be all strange and you are supposed to have this emotional connection to them that doesn’t exist and make you go “who the fuck is this guy even?” The story itself is really short and it artificially lengthens the game by forcing you to do all these repetitive “go here, do that” things that you already done a million times over to get your car parts or whatever, until it lets you progress further with the story.

So all in all, at first i was mind blown but than the game slowly turned into a joyless repetitive grind. The game is fun and its solid enough in general even with all the bugs and weird game design choices, but if you wanna get the most enjoyment out of this game, only do the main story missions and only do all the side quests if the main story missions forces you to do them.

– New videos! –

Made a few new videos

– Attack On Titan –

The core game is done and open for business.

Snapshot_002

To play the game, you need to get the green pack, if you wanna host the game on your own sim, the blue and red packs are for you. Take time to familiarize yourself with the controls and try out the training course before you go down to the city to fight the titans. In addition, while the core game is done, the development doesnt stop here, later on we will be adding new features to the game such as scoring, leveling, prizes and badges on your 3DMG to showcase your achievements (the size of your e-peen).

Have fun!

– Second Life 2.0 (for real this time) –

So i assume you all have probably heard about Second Life 2.0 by now. People often ask me what is my view on this, so imma give my 2 cents on this matter as well (and generate some copypasta for the next time someone asks :D).

Ok so SL 2.0, is it a good thing, is it bad, do we need a new sl? well I personally would wish that instead of spending all that time, money and effort on building a new game, they would concentrate it all on fixing this current one. On the other hand, this game is so fucked up beyond repair, that a fresh start might be the only way to fix it.

Theres some pants on head retarded rumours going around about how LL is going to pull the plug on SL after SL 2.0 is out. I wish people would stop listening to rumours and look for real information from real sources, like the linden labs blog that clearly states that they wont be killing or even phasing out SL any time soon or ever, if no one stops playing it.
Also shutting down the old SL would be a commercial suicide to LL, especially when SL2 is in its infancy. They need to have a safe harbor that they can return to in case shit doesnt go the way they planed it.

So ummm, LL hasn’t disclosed any specific information about how the game will work and what technology will it employ so its kinda early to say how eager i am to move to SL 2.0.

I would however be all for SL 2.0 if it had the following things in it:

Clothing and hair simulation.
IK targets (for stuff like holding guns right, no matter what shape you have, or your legs interacting with the surface you are walking on)
Custom bone structures (like ability to have finger bones or a tail or extra arms and all that stuff)
Morphs and joint morph targets (for adjusting the avatar’s shape and face, face expressions, hand positions, nice joint deformations and so on)(fuck fitted mesh)
A proper material editor maybe.
More useful script commands and no technical limitations like one particle system per script and so on.
A more informative compiler.
Special built in functionality in the client/server itself, for handling things like vehicles, weapons, sword combat, combat interactions with avatars(like punching someone would actually make the hit connect and move their avatar), scoring and other gameplay elements, to make games on SL perform like real games and not some disjointed laggy wtfisgoingon shit. Having this functionality built into the client/server instead of having to write complicated 54651531351 lines of script to do such seemingly simple tasks, that are impossible to do smoothly anyway because of all the fucking sim lag.
Proper key mapping in scripts, so you would be able to bind any keyboard key you want to a script without having to use gestures.
CUSTOMIZABLE CONTROLLS!
Creation tools that let you create meshes ingame.
User owned sims.
Bring back old sl features lost over time like water simulation, mirror surfaces destruction physics and rain.
A proper optimized client with a customizable UI and features.
Disallow third party clients.
A FUCKING LOG OUT BUTTON FOR FUCK SAKE!

But yeah, all of this is just wishful thinking, we would be lucky if even 1 or 2 things from this list would be implemented into the new game. And in general im a bit skeptical about SL 2.0, do you really expect someone as incompetent as LL, who takes 3 years to fix a bug, breaks 10 other things with their lazy fix and cant even do something as simple as adding a button to the UI. On top of that, a company that doesnt even understand its own product or its own userbase, ignores feedback, keeps fixing whats not broken, implementing shit that no one asked for, and keeps on making other pants on head retarded decisions, like shitting all over their front page and user dashboard with malware containing ADs, and keeps trying to take the game to directions that no one wants to go to.

And finally, remember this?patternshow well did that work out?

Now there is a rumor that SL 2.0 is just a codename because secretly LL has been funding Philip linden who is working on his own project called high fidelity. But i do not see high fidelity as a proper replacement for SL because 1. Philip linden is a childish visionary that is still hyped up with early 90s concepts of virtual reality and doesn’t understand that no one really cares about that stupid shit anymore. 2. His project is all about live expressive interactions between players through their their avatars, using expensive motion capture and virtual reality equipment that no one in their right mind would consider buying. His game is all based on recreating that real life face to face communication (I dont think he ever heard about skype video calls) and is not really in tune with what the current SL is about. In fact, Philip left LL because SL wasnt in tune with how he envisioned SL to be when he created it. I just dont see how this would interest all the socially awkward shut ins that are playing SL. Also his game looks like ass in its current state.

– New APB video –

If anyone is interested, i made a new APB gameplay video

– Video games that do not suck –

Now days you hear a lot of people saying shit like “games are not like they used to be” “games were better back in the day” and all i can say to that is, no they were not. Get your heads out of your asses and get over you stupid nostalgic first impressions and realize that the only reason those games left such a deep impression on you is because you havent played many games yet and you didnt know any better. The only thing that has really changed is you. If i had a time machine and went back to the time you were still a kid, playing his first videogames, and gave you halo 4 or some other game you think is a good example of why gaming gone bad, you would shit your pants so hard, it would make you fly through the roof from how blown your mind would be. But You have played so many videogames during your life that they fail to impress you anymore, because you have seen it all and you have played it all and you just simply burned out.
Games were never better, games were always shit and if anything, games actually got better. Better hardware removed technical limitations that prevented game devs from expressing their creative visions, You can now do things in games you could never do before, you now have so many kinds of gameplay that previously wasnt possible before, like just think how much things like mode-7 in the SNES revolutionized gaming, not only did it create a whole new type of games, it also improved existing game styles by adding rotating backgrounds or semi top down world maps or any other awesome shit. I wont even mention what 3D did to gaming. On top of it all, games now have the ability of telling a story story, not just through shitty still images of people with open mouths, with a bunch of text under it that nobody wants to read, but real motion and sound. Things that get you immersed into the story and make you feel like you are there.

But despite all this improvement, videogames have one fundamental flaw, a flaw that was always there since the very first videogame was created and its its the same flaw that made  you so burnt out and makes you say stupid shit like “games were better” (in reality you just started to see videogames for what they really are)

And this is also why fresh new ideas are so welcomed in gaming, why people praise minecraft and any other shitty indie games that are made by some hipster who isnt told what to do by big publishers and tries to step away from the well established ideas of videogame design and does his own stupid gimmicky thing.

So what is this flaw i talk of?

Repetitive monotony

Take the original mario game for example, every level you do the same exact thing, you jump platforms, you smash turtles, and the next level is the same shit only stuff you can jump on are arranged differently to give you a sense of variety, and when you reach the end, you kill the boss, you learn that the princess is in another castle, and you start all over again, and at this point is where i always considered that i beat the game and just stopped playing it cuz i knew its gonna be more of the same shit.

And it is this shit that is the fundamental flaw of most videogames, the entire game being just a copypasta of it’s first level. You played the first level, you played the whole fucking game. You know how the rest of the game is going to be, chances are, you probably picked this game up because you know the game is going to be, like a shitty first person shooter or some shitty rpg.

BTW, MMOS and RPG games are the most disgusting offenders.

Remember how some games used to have these brief moments that had a different kind of gameplay? like a bonus stage or a vehicle segment or some shitty underwater segment or an awesome boss fight or some other way to break up the monotony and make things feel a bit fresh, remember how sad you felt when that brief moment ended and you had to go back to the boring repetitive jump platform smash the turtle gameplay the next level?

You can have the most intricate gameplay mechanics, and level design and what not, but if you going to make the player do the same shit over and over again, its going to fall short, because at the end of the day you’re still just a plumber smashing turtles or a space marine shooting radioactive alien zombies and thats all you will ever do, nothing really changes from start to finish, and that is what makes videogames so booring.

Btw this is why i love short games and hate it when a game drags on longer than 6 hours. Im fully satisfied by just playing game demos that i download of PSN. I just get a bunch of demos and just go through them all, a level or two of each game and thats enough for me. I recall some demos were so long that i couldnt even finish them without getting bored out of my mind, like the resistance demo that dragged on for like 5 levels.

And what often surprises me is that people actually defend monotonous gameplay and complain that games like mgs4 have so many cutscenes and so little gameplay. But i welcome this with open arms cuz i wanna have less to deal with that boring repetitive gameplay and get on with the story (sometimes i wish they stopped spending all that money on making these terrible videogames and fucking made a movie or something instead, i would love a metal gear movie czu i hate the gameplay so much but i love the story and characters)

games that break, or try to break the repetitive monotony

So what do i suggest, is there a way to fix this problem? Yes there is, there are quite a few games that actually try to break away from the traditional monotony of gaming and im gonna list some of these fine example of how to make a game, here. But keep in mind that these arent all necessary good games, some of these games fail in Other ways, like second life or duke nukem forever, these games are just for the sake of example of what you need to do to break the monotony. Also these are just games that i personally discovered and im well aware that there are more good games like this somewhere.

Magical date

Its an interesting twist to the whole japanese date rape sim genre thing, this game has actual gameplay in it. It’s a crappy old arcade game by Taito, the objective of the game is to pick one of the 3 (i always pick the blue hair chick cuz shes not as ugly as the other 2 low polygon blow up doll with an anime faces drawn on them)while on your date, you constantly have to flex your muscles and wave your cock around  to impress her by doing all kinds of weird challenges. Each challenge has a different kind of gameplay to it and is a whole new game in itself. There are action and puzzle and mental ability testing segments, fighting segments, flying, guessing things, answering questions(i always fail the questions part cuz its all written in japanese)either way, when you complete all the minigames and reach the end, you can than be a perv and pull out your camera and take snapshots of her panties as a reward for your efforts.

Duke Nukem Forever

Now i know what you are thinking, Duke nukem forever was a terrible game, and i couldnt agree with you more but the reason its on this list is because i respect it for its attempt at breaking up the monotony. All this shit that they tried to stuff into the game, is what made it actually fun to me. Sure the graphics were just god awful, the humor was just lame  and the game definitely didnt live up to its promis, but there was this one thing it did right, it had variation. This is what kept me playing it and finishing it, every mission i was doing something different other than just shooting shit. One mission i shot things from a mounted gun, other mission i drove an RC car, the other mission i was all small and doing platforming, jumping over burgers on a hot stove, third mission i was driving a car and scavenging for fuel cans. It wasnt just the same thing over and over again, and you know the game received a lot of criticism for trying to do all these things instead of just sticking to shooting only, all these things it tried to do is what got me to finish it and actually have fun with it.

Minecraft

Minecraft is awesome because its whatever you want it to be, you can play it how you want, you can make your own rules and you can mod the shit out of it. Anyone can easily get into minecraft no matter what type of games they like to play because minecraft doesnt stick to a type or a genre, its as monotone or varied as you want it to be.

Hot pixel


This game is a lot like the magical date game only it doesnt have the dare rape part. Each mission is a complete game on its own and you never end up doing the same thing over and over again (unless you get stuck)

Call of Duty ghosts single player

Now i know what ur thinking, how can this very definition of a what a monotone game is, be on this list? Well most of the cod games that i played, i played them all purely for the story and and chars, because the gameplay itself bored the fuck out of me, endless waves of clone soldiers, always the same exact situations, thank god those games were so short. But in the case of cod ghosts, this is kind of the other way around, the story is so generic and boring but the gameplay itself is actually pretty varied and fun. You get to do all kinds of interesting stuff, like be a NASA astronaut and shoot space brasilians in zero gravity, fly helicopters, drive tanks, fight killer sharks and ride a rolercoster, the game was really fun.

Happy wheels

What makes this game so fun is the community created maps, the map creation tools are really flexible and let you break the mold and create your own kind of gameplay than what the game was supposed to be originally, so every map is something new and exciting.

Second life

Essentially minecraft for adults but with a greater level of freedom, be what you want, do what you want.

Gmod

Gmod is a lot like second life, you can also do whatever you want, create your own games, play games created by other players or just dick around with physics.

Little big planet

Not only is it a fresh new take on the platforming thing, LBP is flexible enough to allow users to create their own games in LBP

Loco Roco

Yeah while this game is guilty of being a copypasta of itself, its still a really fresh new idea that has never been done before, the whole wwist to the game is that you do not control your character, but rather control the environment your character is in, making him go places, its a really cute and fun game that i recommend to anyone thats bored out of his mind from videogames.

Games like Saints row and GTA


these sandbox games are full of stuff you can do aside from doing the missions, they always have fun interesting minigames and the missions themselves are pretty varied and never makes you do the same shit over and over again. And if you are like me and arent interested in any of that, you can just go dicking around the city and doing whatever you want.

The Funmap server on Killing Floor

This server is like the second life of killing floor, here you can just hang out, make friends with other kf players, team up and go play one of the many games on the map, like tank battle, classic survival, mario, mario vs doom, car racing game, classic doom TDM. The killing floor mod/map creation tools are flexible enough to let you have a game with its own fully functional gameplay within a game. Each game you finish gives you a prize weapon that will help you beat the next game and reach the high score on the global scoreboard

The Tube Adventure game

this game is like a basic blueprint of a good game, each new area gets you doing different kinds of things.

you can play this game here http://www.somethingawful.com/news/tube-adventure-game/

So if you didnt get it yet, a good game is a game that isnt a copypasta of it self, a game that lets you do different things every level, game that has completely different kind of gameplay every map, a game that combines elements of as many different game genres into one, a game that keeps it different and interesting every next map.

– Crazy Market –

I was dicking around in the appstore on my PS vita and i noticed this gem in the suggestions bar thing at the top.

 

Crazy market is a Free to play game where you play as a cashier at some shitty supermarket and you have to scan bar codes and enter them manually and deal with all sorts of unexpected situations like someones baby on the conveyer belt. You level up and get all sorts of useful power ups and special moves that you can use to help you deal with unexpected situations. This game is my new tetris cuz its a fun time killer if youre bored or waiting for something.

The only thing that is a bit annoying in this game is the free to pay (yes i ment to say pay) element, your character gets tired working pretty fast and you need to drink coffee to extend your work hours or you have to take a 24 real world minute break, and this combined with how addictive the game is, can be a real torture. You get coffee by doing great on missions or leveling up, you can also buy coffee from the in game store with the game money but you do not make enough money to buy enough coffee to play for long, you spend more than you make and in the end you still have to wait 24 minutes :/ OR you can buy coffee or in game currency with real money, and the prices are a bit much D:

But anyway i still recommend this game, its a fun idea and i would never even think someone would make a game about this.

Edit : I found it in the android app store too, im downloading it now so i could continue playing on my phone after i run out of coffee on my vita till 24 minutes passes :D.

– PlayStation Vita and Black Ops Declasified bundle – Review

Okay so some time ago i came home all piss drunk and high and went online to order some new earphones for my PSP cuz the old ones wire finally started breaking. While i was at it, i saw the black ops vita bundle and i thought gonna get that too just for shits and giggles. Few days later it arrived and it was time to unbox and check it out, i was gonna write this review on that day but i was a bit busy with other things.

2013-01-11-161355

Anyway so here’s my review of the PS Vita + the game it came with and right of the bat, im gonna say that the device is a piece of shit, and here’s why:

(Scroll down for a TL;DR summary of this review)

I didn’t do any research and didn’t really give a crap about the vita in general prior to ordering it. I Didn’t really know what to expect but i sorta had hopes that this might be as awsome as the psp was only with touch screen and ps3 like graphics.  The design of the box looked rather meh when pulled out of the nice looking black ops edition box (lol a box within a box) and its contents where rather disappointing too. My old psp, in adittion to the charger and the 32mb memory card, also came with all kinds of bonus goodie, like earphones and wrist strap and a special soft case and a disckwith music videos, movie trailers and game demos on it. While the vita didn’t include any of those things, it was just the console and its charger and a 4gb memory card, it didn’t even include the actual game it was supposed to be bundled with, instead it had a digital download version redeem code, not an actual physical copy of the game(and oh boy turns out it wasn’t even supposed to have the 4gb memory card, imma get to that later). The design of the device itself looks kinda meh too, compared the psp, its also really thick and bulky. To my surprise it didn’t have an UMD drive but later i found out it uses game cartridges instead, like nintendo, witch is a pretty smart decision. Another disappointment is that it doesn’t have any kind of other card slots, it doesn’t take no micro SD cards or anything like that like the PSP had, there’s no way to watch your photos or videos from your phone on it, only the proprietary sony vita cards work with it. And speaking about the vita memory cards, as i learned from my frustrated friend who also got the vita a week later, the ps vita doesn’t come with one. Now that wouldn’t be a that big of a problem since we are already used to sony being a bunch of cheep fucks and not including memory cards with the ps1 or the ps2, but unlike vita, on those systems you could still play games perfectly fine without a memory card, you just couldn’t save your progress. The vita however is as useful to you as a brick without one, not only can’t you play games without a card, it wont even do any basic functionality of a tablet device, you cannot test the camera or launch any other applications. And again, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal if sony didn’t price their shitty proprietary cards so ridiculously. The smallest 4gb cart costs 20$, 20$ isn’t that much but you can’t really do shit with a 4gb card, you can only fit 1 full game and 1 demo on it and theres not mutch room left for other apps or music. So if you’re planing on buying games digitally (witch you’re forced to do if you wanna play psp/ps1 games since the thing doesn’t have an UMD) you need to spend a bit more than 20$, its kinda obnoxious when living in times where any other 4gb memory card costs like 5 bucks. The 32gb memory card cost 100$ while the console itself is just 250$, what kind of super advanced alien technology did they put in that card to make it more worthy than the fucking system itself? Sony did some misleading advertisement when they presented the relatively low price of the system as its selling point, sure its 250$ but you gotta pay at least an extra 50$ if you wanna make the full use of the system or at least 20$ extra to do the very basic thing it was made to do, play some fucking video games on it!. In a time where the market is dominated by way more cheaper and more flexible hand held tablet an smartphone devices that already come with internal memory and most of the times a basic external memory cards and can offer way better and more affordable services and forms of entertainment, its not a very wise decision to make your device not have the basic functionally it was supposed to have out of the box. Sony just downright fucked their costumers over like that.

So anyway, I turned the system on, i was greeted by this long dumb unskipable demo, the configuration screen was nice, it had nice music too, but once i got past it, the whole interface looked so terrible as if it was designed by some amateur, it also had unnecessary cheesy menu music playing on a loop, thank god there’s an option to turn it off because it gets on your nerves after a bit. Now here’s where all the horrors begin, i started trying out the thing, the interface touch screen navigation is pretty smooth and well done but touch is the only way you can use it, none of the buttons on the console do anything.  I launched the web browser wanted to try watching youtube, but i couldn’t, it kept giving me some missing application error. I went to google and found out that the vita doesn’t support flash, okay but you don’t need flash to see youtube now days cuz it also runs on HTML5 that any modern web browser supports just fine without the need of any complicated plugin installation. In addition, i was seeing a crappy mobile version of the youtube page, this was a huge disappointment since the PSP could play youtube just fine and was capable of displaying the proper version of the page. Luckily there’s a crappy youtube app with bare minimum basic functionality, there’s also apps for facebook and twitter and skype, but they all fail hard because just like the youtube app, they lack some of the basic functionality, like a fucking text chat in skype, you can only do calls and video calls, but you cant send text messages or receive them. Speaking of basic functionality, the system also has a screenshot feature, but you can’t take screenshots with it, every time i tried to take a screenshot of the scoreboard or some random funny glitch in cod, it always says it cant take a screenshot of this screen, not even the menu screens, why does it even have a screenshot option than? to troll you? Than i went to check the camera and it was rather disappointing too, the picture quality was really surprisingly terrible even with the best lighting conditions, at this modern day and age oh 8 megapixel phone cameras. The camera’s resolution is what you see in the picture above, the camera software doesn’t have any kind of options, just a big snapshot button, the video quality is even worse, and it can’t even record a video of the same aspect ratio as the fucking screen its being displayed on, its like a really bad webcam with tiny resolution, lots of digital noise and washed out colors. My old Sony Ericson phone that i had 5 years ago, could take way better pictures than this piece of crap, why does the vita even need to have a camera at this point? I tried listening to some music but i couldn’t control my volume, it was set to 60% or 70% and some icon flashing. The manual revealed that its some “feature”, fortunately you can sorta disable it, unfortunately you cant disable it for good and you need to do that every time you turn the device on and its a really unnecessary and frustrating routine. Oh and the official vita earphones (that i had to buy separately) don’t have the remote controller thing like psp did, making you pull your console out of your pocket every time you wanna change a song. And BTW, getting media on or off the device is kind of a pain in the ass too, in addition for it not having a card reader, you cant just connect it to your computer through the USB port and access the device like you could with the PSP, sony has some weird “keep your hands off! we will do it for you” thing going on with vita, you gotta install some additional program that just like everything else by sony, has no fucking options and you gotta manually remove it from the system startup list. Its called content manager assistant something, you specify the locations on your computer your music, pictures, videos and app backups, than you can access those locations through your vita and copy music and other crap to your vita’s memory card. The cool thing is that you can just specify your whole hard drive as a location and browse through folders using vita, but its still a really ass backwards way of doing things, it would be so much more easy if you could just drag and drop files from your computer like you could with the psp. There are countless other tiny problems i ran into that i wont mention here because this review already got way too long.

Oh the remote play function that is supposed to let you play your ps3 games remotely, is rather useless just like the screen shot option, cuz you can’t actually play anything through it (just a handful of ps3 titles support it)

So anyway, it was time to try the game it came with! Entering the code to redeem my game aaaaaand……….. bullshit. I cant redeem my game :C it keeps giving me an error that i either entered the code wrong or it has expired D:. So i ran to google to see what could be wrong, turns out, digital downloads are region locked, i have to create an account with the same region that my game is from. But the problem doesn’t end there, unlike the PS3, once you have created or logged in to your PSN account with the vita, your vita gets account locked, you cannot create a new or log in with any other PSN account, you’re pretty much fucked if you have more than one account. However, google reveals that there IS a way to log in with another account, but that requires a factory restore. You have to reset your system to the factory defaults, you loose all your changes and everything and you have to sit through that annoying demo again after you turn it on, luckily the date and time doesn’t reset so you don’t have to set them up again. So i was finally able to create and log in with a new account and download my game and its time to try it out!

Call Of Duty – Black Ops: Declassified

If your not into call of duty multiplayer and your all about the epic call of duty single player experience, you might wanna rent or try this game out somewhere before you buy it, since this game is all about the multiplayer and the single player part doesn’t offer a whole lot. The campaign itself is really short and it feels more like you’re playing spec ops in mw2/mw3, the cutscenes between the missions are kinda booring and done in the same style as BF3 single player, theres not that many epic ingame cutscenes either as expected for a COD game, there’s also the mw3 survival mode and a time trial mode, there’s also leveling and time ranking in the campaign so it adds a little bit of replay value. Also the campaign is really fucking hard too D: i hate the time missions where you need to do shit in a short time. The controls are pretty good, the game makes a smart use of the touch screen by adding the missing controller buttons on the screen next to the physical buttons. In addition it it also offers more than one way to do something, for example, to throw a grenade you can just tap the grenade button on screen, of you can tap and hold the grenade button, an orange circle appears, you drag it out and aim your throw with it, you can also knife people by slashing the screen with your finger, its actually a lot easier to quickly slash the screen instead of looking for the virtual knife button (since you cant feel it with your finger). The killstreeks and alt weapon fire can be activated the traditional way with your D pad but you also have the on screen buttons for them on the left side of the screen too, they are kinda hard to hit since they are so small so i just use the D pad. Now the only down side to the controls is that the vita analog sticks are really loose and gives no resistance to your finger, even simple basic tasks such as walking can be really difficult, i always start strafing to the sides when trying to walk forward and get stuck trying to go through a door, thank god you can lower the sensitivity so aiming is decent, but than you have a really slow turn problem and cant react to stuff behind your back fast enough, this can get you killed in multiplayer. One thing that really rustles my jimmies is that activision went all trololo and wont let you use touch screen in the game menus. Every other thing in the game and any other game and app uses the touch screen, but no not this game menu, if lets say you wanna change your class, you can’t just tap your screen and change class, you gotta navigate the slow and awkward oldschool way, with the d pad, and i keep forgetting that every time and try to tap the screen and nothing happens D:

Anyway, the multiplayer is really where its all at, and i gotta say i was surprised by how well balanced and fun it is :O This game offers a simple clean COD experience, It feels as if the game was done by the COD community itself, it takes everything that awesome about cod and leaves out all the bullshit. Theres no cheap noob shit, no aim asist, no bullshit deaths, no death streeks, no last stand/second chance, no OP perks like assassin or ghost pro, no revenge spawns. The game doesn’t cheat you out of your kills, knife is not faster than bullets and even if you do get knifed, if you where shooting the guy coming at you, he dies too and you get an afterlife+ revenge bonus too :D, the killstreeks are balanced out pretty well, there’s no retarded press button-recieve kills flying exploding easy to get bullshit like like in BO2, most streaks are non lethal type, like UAV and stuff. All weapon classes are balanced, there’s no SMG noob bullshit like in BO2, you can pick up any weapon you want and still be competitive, SMGs are only good in close range like they should(cant hipfire sniper across the map) and LMGs are deadly as fuck while the ARs are the all purpose weapons again. It has some really great maps, like shipment from COD4 and nuketown from BO1. It mostly features weapons, attachments and equipment from BO1 but it also has some stuff from MW3 like the PP90M1 FUCK YEAH! and bouncing betties :D. Secondary weapons aren’t all that useless either, you have your proper machine pistols and stuff. Theres no retarded weapon attachments or changeless like lets say an acog on the shotgun, do 200 scoped shotgun acog kills!, appropriate weapon classes have appropriate attachments. The chalanges are organized in IW style, everything is in one place and easy to follow, unlike BO1 and BO2 where fuck knows where what is.

However this game does have some shortcomings, like really shitty graphics, and some are really serious too, like the connectivity problems or random crashes with an error reporting dialog. Now the connectivity issue is strange, you sometimes start randomly loosing connection to the host in 2 out of every 3 matches and in some cases you loose connection so hard that the vita itself needs to reconnect itself to the psn, and all the reviews and message boards of the game report the same problem. Strangely enough, sometimes you can play a whole day without getting disconnected a single time. Other shortcomings aren’t game breaking but would be things nice to have, like a way to communicate with other players, the game doesn’t have text or voice chat. The loadings times are ass, you would think that not having an UMD anymore and loading maps directly from the card would be faster. The loading times are random too, some times the same map can load for like few seconds and sometimes a whole minute, There’s also a severe lack of game modes, there’s only TDM KC FFA and for some weird reason they chose to add drop zone out of all the modes, why not fucking SnD? I also wish it had more maps and it doesnt look like they are planing on making a DLC. Oh and theres no killcams :C

So to sum this up (the tl;dr summary)

Amateurish packing, unit and UI design, Doesn’t come with any of the bonus goodies that the psp came with, UI cannot be controlled with buttons, touch screen only.
The pack doesn’t even come with a memory card, rendering the device a useless brick that costs 250$, since it doesnt let you launch games or do anything else without a memoru card cuz the system doesnt have any internal memory. You need to spend more money on sony’s overpriced proprietary memory card just to have the basic functionality of your system that should have been there out of the box, and no other card formats work, witch in this day and age is just FAIL.
Game bundles come with region locked redeem codes instead of physical copies of games, not letting you download your game if your PSN account region doesnt match the redeem code region. An account lock not letting you log in with any other PSN account once you loged in, having to do a factory reset every time you wanna create or log in with different account.
Really poor selection of apps and Apps lacking basic funtionality and features that don’t actualy do what they are supposed to do, like not being able to take a screenshot of a game using the screenshot function or play a game remotely using the remote play funtion or not having text chat in skype or not being able to displaying web pages propertly in the web browser, no flash support, broken HTML5 support. And “features” that hinder your ability use the system, like the volume automatic control and lock.
No card readers and no other way to get files on and of the system, can’t just connect ti to the pc through usb, gotta install adittional software to be able to transfer files, due to sony’s “hands off! we will do this for you” policy and than doing this ass backwards file copying through your vita.
Surprisingly terrible camera resolution and image quality even under the best lighting conditions, even worse video resolution and quality like some old cheep webcam with digital noise and washed out colors, no camera options, cant even film in the same aspect ratio as the screen the video is displayed on.
Unimpressive and sometimes even just down right terrible graphics, loose and sensitive analog sticks, obligatory touch in some games, severe lack of big game titles or more like lack of games in general, high game prices going from 20$ to 50$ compaired to lets say 2$-5$ games for the IOS and Android with far better graphics.

If you do not need this for a particular game and nothing else like i do and got no money to spare, youre better off buying a 3DS or even a fucking ipad.

– On disc DLC – BIG FUCKING DEAL –

 

I hear a lot of people moaning and complaining about on disc unlockable content in videogames these days. People go all herp derp “capcom is stupid, putting content on disc, you pay full price, and to unlock them you need to pay for content thats already on the disk!” people feel entitled for every bit of data on that disc since they payed money for it. My answer is usually “but you have to understand why exactly this is done, the reason DLC is on the disc is….” and before i can continue explaining, im being interrupted by another herp derp ” SCAM!”

The reason that this extra content is on the disc is due to technical limitations, it is done so that you would be able to play against people who have the DLC and be able to see their characters on your screen properly,  the game needs to load this data on your screen, it wont just somehow magically load his character model on your screen out of think air, videogame consoles don’t run on magic. The game has to have that data somewhere, putting it on the game disc solves a lot of problems that i will get into now.

If the content wasn’t on the disc, it would segment the player base, meaning people who bought a particular character would only be able to play against people who have bought that same character and have the required game data, people who didn’t buy anything wont be able to play with people that bought something, and so on. Its kinda like the situation with the call of duty DLC, people who bought map pack 1 cant play against people who have map pack 2 or 3 or people who don’t have any map packs, with every DLC release for COD, it gets harder and harder to find a match. Other games “solve” whits problem by making you sit through a hour long game patching screen before you can play your game. Older games like quake or half life or cod4 made you sit through a hour long download screen every time you joined a none core game content server, downloading every map, texture, model and sound and it was a real killjoy, you lost the mood to play the game by the time it finished downloading all this additional content.

So, if the content wasn’t on the disc, this would make you sit through a long killjoy hour long download screen every time you wanna play a game and clog up your entire hard drive space with random game data, the data wont be on the game disc but it will instead be on your hard drive and you will still be locked out from it, so what would that accomplish? do you people ever think?. Companies like namco and capcom  didn’t want to inconvenience you ignorant fucks with such bullshit and put the data straight on the disc, so that you could have an interrupted gameplay experience. If you don’t want to pay money for additional game characters, than fucking dont! no one is forcing you so whats the problem? And no you didn’t pay money for that extra data even if its on your disc, you don’t pay 60 bucks for zeros and ones, you do not pay 60 bucks for the 25ct piece of plastic that the zeros and ones are on, you pay for the experience that the company is selling you, just like you pay for experience when you go to a movie theater, you don’t pay money to own a physical copy of the movie, you pay money to see the movie. It just so happens that the company decided to take extra for that extra bit of experience the DLC will provide you in addition to the core experience that you payed for, they had to work extra on it and the game already costs a lot so they wont force you to pay that extra, thats why its locked.

So long story short, only people who dont understand the technical aspect of how games work go all “herp derp scam” and making a big deal out of the extra bit of unlockable data being symbolically called a DLC, you didnt pay money for that extra data when you bought the game, you payed money for the core game experiance, not a round piece of plastic or zeros and ones engraved on it, if you want extra experiance, pay that extra.

Anyway, thanks to all the whiny bitches, the rest of us have to sit through hours of updating before we can play a game.